The Apprentice live blogging

NOTE: in the process of migrating from drupal to wordpress, I’ve copy/pasted this from the old blog, hence the dates/times etc may seem a little off.

The credits run and I don’t recognise most of these people, and I”ve been watching them for 6 weeks!

6:30am and Lucinda looks like she’s about to fly out the window with Peter Pan. Nice bedwear. Having got dressed she’s somehow managed to go from prude to French prostitute.

Siralen still gets the ‘class’ to greet him like they’re in school, I’m not sure he wants any of them to work for him. But I think that every year.

The task is announced. Siralen may as well have asked then to sweep streets for all the enthusiasm shown.

Brilliant, we have the weakest two as team leaders. Cannon fodder week! Michael and Kevin go head to head in the clash of the midgets.

As usual the teams talk themselves up in the taxi’s. The team leaders then wank over themselves in the solo interviews.

Michael decides to tackle a gap in the market market no greetings card company has ever gone for before. Because it will clearly be profitable. Happy boob job!

Raef talks about noses to detract from his hair.

Greetings cards for the environment! Brilliant oxymoron!

Kevin’s key objective is to win. Incisive.

“I have an idea, have more ideas.” Why are these people in the job market again?

Jenny still loves the idea of mass producing greetings cards to congratulate people on saving the environment… None of the others see the flaw in this.

Kevin will always be the only gay in the village for me.

Singles day. “Congratulations, you’re still not getting any.” People who want to be single probably don’t feel the need to celebrate this. Those who don’t will just feel bitter.

Kevin is 150%! good at pitching. Not as good as gladiators at being entertaining, but still impossibly good.

I’d cry if I had to be near Jenny too.

They are going all out for this environment saving through greetings cards thing. A rather embarrassed model has to get his as out for the cause. Margaret is loving this! I don’t think Siralen will be too impressed.

Half an hour in and we haven’t heard a single business plan, targets or objective. We have heard a lot of “I’m creative, we’re team players, I’m creative.”

Michael seems to think the Telegraph (newspaper) is his personal spell checker. Next time I need directions I’m phoning Royal Mail.

Brilliant, Kevin has spent so long talking about how good at pitching, he’s forgotten to prepare it. Jenny and Claire decide to talk about how he hasn’t done the pitch instead of doing the pitch. This is going to be gold.

Apparently the Telegraph was no help, and the apostrophe problem is being solved Russian Roulette style.

Kevin being the ultimate procrastinator is talking about pitch technique, instead of content. Tries to offload it and gets knocked back. Looks constipated, but that seems to be his default expression.

Alex’s coat gets bigger as Kevin announces he’s going to “balls this up”. But in a good way of course.

He’s doing it already by mentioning how many tonnes of waste are thrown away. Look, let us add to it. Jenny is grinning like a cheshire cat – and then manages to point out the flaw in their their proposal. I’m rooting for her to go.

Oh good, the greetings card are a plan B incase G8 fails. I’m glad that’s in place or we could all be doomed.

Wow, that was amazing. Margaret looked like she was going to scream at Michael al la Aphex Twin.

Kevin, after losing still maintains he had a strong idea. I’m sure Siralen has always looked kindly on denial. That’s a quality he looks for I’m sure.

Kevin seals his own death warrant. This is going to be messy. Jenny should have been in there with Claire.

Wow, Kevin’s about to cry! He’s totally digging his own hole. And Siralen doesn’t mess about he’s gone.

The apprentice has become big brother. Everyone seems to hate Sara, unfortunately none of them are eloquent enough to say why, other than because she didn’t get fired. I think Michael fancied Kevin a bit.

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4 comments on “The Apprentice live blogging
  1. Anonymous says:

    *Applause*
    That was great. Your public needs more of these. I loved it when Alex was trying like crazy to suppress his smile in the car following Kevin’s sales pitch. He clearly smelt blood in the water.

  2. yetanotherdave says:

    Thankyou, I shall see what happens next week.

  3. Anonymous says:

    LoL I like reading this

    LoL I like reading this almost as much as watching it! I instantly thought of you and Melanie when Kevin said “150%”, I knew you’d like that.

    Jenny saying “I’m now buying fewer greetings cards because I’m worried about the environment.” Yeeeaaahhh, that’s the best way to sell greetings cards, by telling the buyer you won’t buy them!

    Yeah, what’s with the Sara bashing? She tried to push Eid cards and they all just ignored her. Then they’re all asking her “Why didn’t you get fired?!” How is she supposed to answer that? They’ve all just descended into mindless bullying now, they needed someone to vent their frustrations on and they just picked the quietest person, it’s just like school.

  4. yetanotherdave says:

    They’re all idiots

    “I could do a better job with one hand tied behind my back!”
    So says me and have the viewers.

    The other half could do better with BOTH hands tied behind their backs!

    I sometimes think about applying, until I remember that it’s TV and people like me would mercilessly take the piss out of the carefully edited footage of me.

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